This one is gonna be short, because there is very little
that needs to be said about the PSX version of the 1996 hit
PC game that stood from the sea of "Doom" clones and
endeared itself to most gamers with raunchy humor, clever
level design and an over-the-top first-person challenge
that mirrored Id Software's offerings. The console ports
of "Duke Nukem 3D" hit the consoles in Nov/Dec. of '97, and
(interestingly enough) they each had a different company
handling the port with very different results. Lobotomy
Software (makers of "Powerslave") created the Saturn
version of "Duke", and it is a solid effort with kick-ass
speed/graphics/music and internet support via the Netlink.
The N64 cart was done by European company Eurocom (the N64
versions of "War Gods" and "Mortal Kombat 4"), and featured
four-player Dukematching capability and cooler-looking
explosions, graphics and (some polygonal) bosses. Did
Aardvark Software live up to the legacy of 3D Realms'
original vision of a bubblegum-chewing Schwarzenegger-clone
blasting aliens in post-apocalyptic Earth? Read on...
GAMEPLAY / FUN FACTOR: C+
"Duke Nukem 3D" featured internet support for multiplayer
gaming sessions for both the PC and the Saturn versions,
and the N64 "Duke" features an acceptable (but flawed in
both design and AI for CPU-controlled Dukebots) multiplayer
set-up. The PSX sadly is the only console port of "Duke"
that doesn't feature ANY multiplayer support whatsoever,
and that is a very big disappointment that takes away a
large slice of what made playing the game so much fun.
Sure, the PSX versions of "Alien Trilogy" and "Doom"/"Final
Doom" were kick-ass blastfests, but Mr. Nukem packed most
of his gameplay heat when being chased by another Duke
hell-bent on sticking a rocket up his a**, or by doing a
cooperative sweep of an alien-infested landscape,
"Aliens"-style. Personality goes a long way toward making
up for the absence of multiplayer options, and Duke Nukem
has a hell of a lot more appeal than the 'Doomed Space
Marine' (clever) from "Doom", the mercenary from
"Powerslave" and the nameless soldier from "Quake".
Oh well, at least there are more than 30 levels in "Total
Meltdown" packed with plenty of pig cops, scummy aliens and
scantly-clad females that are awaiting for either the sweet
relief of a bullet in the head, or a cheesy one-liner to
bring a little personality to the mayhem. Some exclusive
levels are included in the "Plug & Play" chapter of PSX
"Duke", and they include enemies/backgrounds that parody
some of the PSX's best-known hits ("Resident Evil",
"WipeOut", "Tomb Raider", etc.), which serves to extend the
length of your one-player adventure. The AI is either a
pushover in the easiest level, or a cunning and unbeatable
opponent in the hardest difficulty settings; the
inconsistent frame-rate doesn't make controlling Duke any
easier (more on that later), despite the controller
responsiveness being fine most of the time you control
your character in a 3D environment. And in the end, all
personality characteristics and quirks aside, "Duke Nukem
3D" is and plays like a "Doom" clone, and that has been
done to death already; with the singular exception of
Rare's "Goldeneye", originality isn't a characteristic of
this gaming genre. N64 and Saturn "Duke" can at least
offer the player the unpredictability of what another gamer
might do in multiplayer, but PSX gamers will have to settle
for the CPU pig cops and the "MIB" rejects. Ouch!
GRAPHICS / VISUALS: C
The pixels are back, and they are more square and ugly to
the naked eye than the "filtered" fuzziness of N64 "Duke",
or the speedy Saturn "Duke" port that flies by at a
constant 30 frames-per-second with PC-worthy
light-sourcing. The PSX "Duke" falls very short of the
competition's visuals, with a resolution that isn't even up ̃to the hardware's mid-resolution, let alone the
bare-minimum VGA resolution of the PC version. There is
some "fake" lighting effects used to emulate explosions and
rockets going down hallways, but the 32-bit console that
was built for true 3D gets its ass kicked by Lobotomy's ace
software coders, which managed to convince the Saturn that
it could do first-person shooters better than the PSX. I
guess the main problem is that Aardvark Software tried to
emulate the exact physics of the PC code and (pardon the
pun) ram it down the PSX's minuscule RAM flash-memory,
instead of taking the game apart and rebuilding the code
from scratch for the consoles (which is what Eurocom and
Lobotomy did with their ports). Believe me when I tell you
that pixelated breasts ("Shake it baby"??!!) have never
looked so unattractive and un-sexy as they appear in this
game; I had to play "Dead or Alive" for twelve consecutive
hours to remind me of what realistic breasts look like in
the hands of competent programmers :-).
"Total Meltdown" isn't the worst first-person shooter on
Sony's grey box (I dare you to spend more than five minutes
with "Hexen" and "Dark Forces" and not get a headache), but
its sprite-based graphic engine was dated well-before it
hit the market. The unstable frame-rate, which can be
steady 30 per-second when nothing happens but drops
horrendously when there are fireworks and enemies all
around you, seriously affects the lag time between your
pressing the buttons and Duke Nukem performing the
requested on-screen action. It's one thing for a game to
be ugly but playable, but it's another to let the shoddy
programming of your visuals affect gameplay; unforgivable!
MUSIC / SOUND EFFECTS: C+
A brand-new musical score was composed (or re-arranged from
the PC original, which I've never played) for PSX Duke, and
although it isn't half-bad (Saturn "Duke" also had a
redbook audio score arranged) it is like an orchestral
composition when compared to the silence present in the N64
cart, which had to cut the tunes in order to keep the game
within limits. The one-liners sound fine, but it's up to
your sense of humor if Duke comes across as a Bruce
Campbell-type funny guy, or a sexist pig in need of a
serious tongue-lashing; some of the jokes are too blue and
overtly sexual (references to masturbation are frequent),
but the 'M' rating guarantees that 'Duke' will be in good
company with the criminals of the soon-to-be released PSX
version of "Grand Theft Auto". The Saturn version of
"Duke" kept the foul language intact, but Nintendo
butchered the dialogue (and sanitized the graphics) of N64
"Duke" and as a result that game is not as faithful to the
3D Realms vision as are the PSX and Saturn versions...
ain't CD's grand?
OVERALL: C+
Duke Nukem will return to consoles in 1998 with "Time to
Kill", where our hero will travel back-and-forth in time to
chase more periodical bad guys and spew cheesy one-liners
in a "Tomb Raider"/"Burning Rangers" 3D environment. And
the recent announcement that the 1999 PC sequel of "Duke
Nukem 3D" will be switching technology (from "Quake 2"
engine to the one used for "Unreal"... yes!) only serves to
remind us that "Duke Nukem 3D" is an old game that had its
share of the market and fifteen minutes of fame. It's
still good, but there are better PSX first-person games out
there ("Powerslave", "Doom", "Alien Trilogy", "Disruptor",
etc.) for you to be wasting time with a game that is
covering the needs of a niche market on one console
(internet gaming with Saturn's Netlink) and just another
game on an overcrowded field (N64 and its "Turok"
brothers). Rent it, play it, beat it, and only remember it
for its significant PC heritage; PSX "Duke" blows, and that
my friends is something Mr. Nukem knows a thing or two
about (wow, stop the presses!).
